Do you think you are a Good spouse?

ByHanna Shiferaw

It is common to hear the complains of wives on their husbands and husbands on their wives saying that they did whatever they can to make their spouses happy, and unfortunately the response they get was not as they expected it to be. They might think about themselves that they were good spouses.

I heard a story of some couple who had this kind of problem. The wife thinks her husband deserves an honest plus loving wife and eating good food. And she tries whatever she can to take care of him with nice and balanced diet. Besides, she never looked at any man around. Unluckily for her, her husband’s needs were entirely different from that. He values friendly talks and making love more than anything. Therefore, things became unpleasant.

What is the definition of a good spouse? In my opinion, it differs greatly from an individual to individual. The characters I want from my husband may not be similar to that of my friend’s. There is no universal standard for a good spouse. What stands first in your values may be last in others. Because we all are unique and different, the things we want from our spouses are different too.

However, some people define good spouse in the definitions of themselves or others around, like parents, families or relatives. What works in your parent’s or relative’s marriage may not work for your marriage. You may take lessons from others. But application needs careful attention because your marriage has its own unique characteristics.  

The question you should ask here is what does your spouse wants from you.  What is the definition of “A good spouse” for your husband/wife? Knowing and acting upon that fixes many problems.

Stop trying to be a good spouse by the definitions or standards of your own or others around. That won’t help much.  Since marriage is about caring about your spouse, ask her/him how s/he wants you to be. And try to satisfy that. That really will help.